


more than diamonds, more than gold

by xylomylo



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Neighbours, Roommates, blogger!nayeon, model!tzuyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 22:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13867332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xylomylo/pseuds/xylomylo
Summary: "are you stalking me now? in person?" tzuyu takes a step back. she's fully awake now - and slightly panicking. just slightly. what the hell? there was no way im nayeon was actually here. in her apartment complex. in the same fucking elevator as her.the girl looks confused. genuinely. her eyebrows pinch together. "no? i live here."





	more than diamonds, more than gold

**Author's Note:**

> huge thank you to rina for this au :))) this was one of the most self-indulgent things i've ever written. and really long, because i can't bear to leave this au behind. also partially inspired by the gif of tzuyu looking so intensely at nayeon at isac. 
> 
> title from sia's cheap thrills. 
> 
> also @xylomyloo on twitter! come say hi im so bored :))))))

 

moving is a major pain in the ass. pointless, too. tzuyu sighs. flops down dramatically onto the floor, because the sofa has yet to arrive. the tv, too. the living room is mostly empty with no visible furniture, other than the dining table and gucci's food bowl - she's left to stare at the cream-coloured walls. well. not that she'd have much time to spend in here anyway.

 

in retrospect, tzuyu had only agreed to this because of the tight security the new complex offered. (she's thankful for the fans, but it gets a little too much sometimes.)

 

"look," chaeyoung says. her phone is shoved into tzuyu's face ungraciously. "she commented on your latest instagram post again."

 

it's a picture taken at her gig yesterday. with japanese model minatozaki sana. versace, she thinks. probably. her schedule is packed, and most of the time she can't even tell what day it is. they'd met for the first time, and tzuyu was a huge fan - but they'd been so busy she'd only managed to snap a selfie with the other girl before the backstage chaos began. 

 

_**imnayeonofficial:** omggggg chou tzuyu angel from the heavens!!! wo ai ni!!!!!! _

 

wow. it's only been a few minutes since she'd uploaded the photo. unbelievable. tzuyu rolls her eyes. slaps chaeyoung's hand away, while the other girl snickers behind her hair.

 

"doesn't she have a job? i mean, what do bloggers do, anyway," she mumbles. "my pr team keeps making fun of me. they said she leaves comments on my twitter page too."

 

chaeyoung laughs at this. like, out loud. teeth and all. "look at you, chou tzuyu." gestures around. more than usual. it must be the champagne. "owning a fancy apartment at twenty-two years old. living the celebrity dream - complete, with a professional stalker." dodges the bubble wrap thrown at her. "who would've thought."

 

"who would've thought indeed." tzuyu grumbles. then cracks a smile because there's always underlying affection in whatever chaeyoung says. to her, at least. no one knew her better than chaeyoung, and she's pretty sure it works the other way too. because best friends. and college, even if it seemed such a long time ago. way before they both got scouted for different things - her, modelling, and chaeyoung, photography. 

 

they'd stayed in contact, despite crazy schedules. made time, constantly reminded each other that they were more than what the public thought of them. more for tzuyu, less for chaeyoung. but they'd made it work.

 

"but seriously though," chaeyoung continues. scoots closer before showing her another picture on her phone. "isn't she pretty?" 

 

tzuyu blinks. it's a photo of this im nayeon girl. with good lighting. makeup and hair done. there's bunny teeth sticking out of her smile and her lips are curved around it and wow, this girl  _is_ pretty. but then tzuyu remembers the direct messages she gets from the blogger girl and - 

 

ugh.

 

"not really," she ends up saying. "looks don't make up for personality." then gasps when chaeyoung makes a face of disapproval. "don't tell me you're _that_ shallow?"

 

the living room falls silent. tzuyu has the entirety of one second to yell out _i'm telling dahyun-unnie!_ before the other girl starts whacking her shoulder. she flinches. reminds herself that son chaeyoung is five feet of muscle, despite her childlike appearance. and then screams for mercy. gucci barks at the commotion, running over.

 

"i'm a guest here, mind you." chaeyoung huffs. reaches to scratch gucci's ears, before folding her arms. "i offered to help you move, and you hit me?"

 

"help? all you did was carry one box. one." 

 

they stare at each other, because tzuyu has made it her life mission to sass everyone. including chaeyoung. there is a lot of screaming, and soon they're doubling over with laughter. just like the good old days. maybe it isn't so far off after all. 

 

life's great.

 

 

 

/

 

 

life's great? maybe. well, definitely not today. 

 

she's running late to the airport. her manager's blowing her phone up, waiting to pick her up downstairs, and tzuyu grunts an acknowledgement before hanging up. kisses gucci goodbye. shuts the front door. checks if she'd worn her boots correctly. then stumbles into the elevator, bare-faced, pulling a cap over her bedhead. presses the button to the ground floor and prays to god she does not miss the flight -

 

"excuse me!" 

 

the voice is shrill, and way too cheerful for the morning. it's grating. tzuyu winces. knows she doesn't have it in her to make small talk at such an ungodly hour, and has half a mind to close the elevator doors when she hears footsteps approaching. there is a large, veiny hand holding the door - and a girl enters.

 

"thank you." she smiles, and the doors shut. in her semi comatose state tzuyu manages a nod. registers the girl's presence. and her cute teeth. then puts all her effort into keeping her eyes open. but through her brain fog she feels the other girl's stare on her. at this point tzuyu is already used to the attention, but then -

 

"oh my gosh! aren't you chou tzuyu?" the girl squeals. clasps her hands together.

 

again, it's way, _way_ too cheerful for the morning.

 

tzuyu smiles. it's reflex. but swallows the default _yes_ on the tip of her tongue when she gets a good look at the other girl. she's pretty. makeup, beanie, and bunny teeth sticking out -

 

oh fuck.

 

"are you stalking me now? in person?" tzuyu takes a step back. she's fully awake now - and slightly panicking. just slightly. what the hell? there was no way im nayeon was actually here. in her apartment complex. in the same fucking elevator as her.

 

the girl looks confused. genuinely. her eyebrows pinch together. "no? i live here." 

 

there's an uncomfortable silence. tzuyu wants to die. this wasn't happening. and then:

 

"wait, you know me?" this im nayeon takes a step towards her. tzuyu gulps. thinks she catches a whiff of lavender. takes another step back, because miss im nayeon does not seem to know what personal space is. what a dumbass.

 

"uh, can you - "

 

"holy sh - wait. you live here? did you just move in or something?" the im nayeon girl asks again. her eyes widen with each question asked. tzuyu thinks it makes her look stupid. also, cutting people off when talking? rude. major rude. she looks right into tzuyu's eyes, and tzuyu is left to stare back at her.

 

and then she blinks. owlishly. it's like she realises she's intruding into tzuyu's space. "sorry, i just um - i think you're really pretty. and i - yeah." the nayeon girl moves away. to the other side of the elevator. looks away, and adjusts her beanie. "i just - i'm a big fan. like, really."

 

the elevator chimes with a loud ding. the doors open. every muscle in tzuyu is screaming at her to get the hell out. but then the nayeon girl is holding the door - smiling, eyes disappearing into half moons and her nose crinkles and her bunny teeth is showing and tzuyu finds herself rooted to the ground -

 

"chou tzuyu!" 

 

she's brought back into reality by her manager (bless him). gets a grip on herself. is reminded that she has a plane to catch. and if she doesn't, management will be on her back. that means tighter restrictions, and there is nothing tzuyu hates more than not having her freedom. the nayeon girl is still smiling, and tzuyu really doesn't know what to do when a really pretty girl smiles like that.

 

so she smiles back. really briefly, before bolting out of the elevator and into the van. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

"was that im nayeon?" her manager asks, as they speed to the airport. tzuyu hopes to god they make it, without getting into a car accident. he drives like a monster, and she's only twenty-two. has so much she has yet to see. and do. 

 

"yeah." she's still in shock. "i'm neighbours with my online stalker, oppa. so much for tighter security."  

 

her manager snorts. pushes the turn signal. "she won't do anything. don't worry, i've looked her up. she's quite a famous blogger, you know. pretty, too." 

 

famous? possible, given the fancy apartment complex. or just a spoiled princess. daddy's girl, or something. annoying.

 

pretty? maybe. yeah.

 

"urgh, not you too. looks do not make up for personality!" tzuyu huffs. reaches for the sandwich stash in the van. rips the vinyl off with more force than needed. "i'll be the judge of that."

 

"yeah. you will," he grins at her through the rear-view mirror. "be nice, okay? she's your neighbour after all."

 

nice? to her online stalker? her manager must think of her as a saint. that's nice. but tzuyu ends up mumbling an agreement. because as much as she'd hate to admit it, that im nayeon girl's bunny teeth and the curve of her eyes were all tzuyu could think about. for the entire ride to the airport.

 

what the hell. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

chaeyoung hates the paparazzi. all of them. scum of the earth, with their huge ass cameras. pushing and shoving, prying into every single aspect of people's lives. she's pretty sure they don't even know how to use half the settings on their camera. idiots. 

 

there's a few of them lurking behind some parked cars on the other side of the road. she recognises some. especially the one with the yankees baseball cap. urgh. 

 

she flinches when a flash goes off.

 

"breathe, chaeng." dahyun falls into step with her. squeezes her hand. "we're almost there."

 

she smiles, shaky. squeezes back. hates how the paps always make her antsy. unnecessarily jumpy. their steps quicken and chaeyoung all but dashes into the cafe, dahyun following suit. it's warm, familiar, and she feels like she can finally breathe. they shed their coats. 

 

"the usual?" dahyun asks. it's date night. at their favourite cafe, because they serve a mean chocolate sundae. chocolate and dahyun always go together, and wherever dahyun goes, chaeyoung follows.

 

she nods, before moving to get them seats. at their favourite booth. all the way at the corner.

 

thursday nights are the best. there isn't much of a crowd - it's a weeknight after all, and the cafe is known for it's one-for-one deals on weekends, which feeds the weekend crowd. chaeyoung breathes in the atmosphere. it's always calm. peaceful. the owner is a friend from college so it's usually on the house, but chaeyoung and dahyun aren't chaeyoung and dahyun if they don't always try to leave wads of cash in corners of the cafe when they visit. 

 

she checks her messages. there's two from her manager, and nine from tzuyu. ignores the ones from her manager (for now) because it's her day off, damn it. then opens the ones from tzuyu, because tzuyu never sends more than five texts in a row. unless it's important.

 

 

**tzuyu [3.14pm]:**   _oh my god!!!!!!!!_  

 

**tzuyu [3.14pm]:**   _i'm freakinG OUT CHAEYOUNG_

**tzuyu [3.14pm]** **:** _guess what_

 

**tzuyu [3.14pm]** **:** _the im nayeon person??? the blogger who stalks me? ?_

 

**tzuyu [3.15pm]** **:** _LIVES IN THE SAME BUILDING AS ME_

 

**tzuyu [3.15pm]** **:** _SAME FLLOOR TOO_

 

**tzuyu [3.15pm]** **:** _why_

 

**tzuyu [3.15pm]** **:** _i cant believe it_

 

**tzuyu [3.16pm]** **:** _oh my gos_

 

**tzuyu [3.16pm]** **:** _what do i do_

 

 

she snorts.

 

"how's tzuyu?" dahyun slips into the other side of the booth. "she said you helped her move?" slides a glass of water across the table, and chaeyoung looks up from her phone. 

 

"remember i told you about her online stalker?" she smiles, dimple showing. "okay, not really stalker. just this blogger girl who's a crazy fan. keeps leaving comments on her instagram and twitter. and sends her weird dms." waits for dahyun to nod, before continuing. "i can't believe it! they're neighbours!" 

 

dahyun blinks. before erupting into laughter. it's chaeyoung's favourite kind of laugh, because her nose scrunches adorably and her mouth is wide open and dahyun laughs without a care in the world. the light from the cafe makes her orange hair look like the sun, and chaeyoung thinks it's a perfect metaphor. it's contagious, and soon she starts laughing. then shows dahyun the string of panic texts from tzuyu.

 

"oh my god," dahyun gasps. pretends to dramatically wipe away a tear from her eye, hand clutching her stomach. "this is some intense drama shit going on. im nayeon, right?" then pulls up nayeon's instagram profile on her phone within seconds. and whistles. "wow, she's pretty."

 

chaeyoung pouts. "prettier than me?" then glares at dahyun, who has the audacity to nod. this girl - 

 

"i was joking, chaeng chaeng," dahyun whines. pouts too, and starts making all sorts of finger hearts and guns chaeyoung can't find it in herself to stay mad. at this ball of sunshine who makes her so, so happy. who also, quote unquote dahyun herself, 'paints with all the colours of the wind'. 

 

chaeyoung rolls her eyes, but grins when dahyun blows kisses across the booth.

 

"ew. you're so gross." 

 

"but you love me anyway," dahyun wriggles her eyebrows. reaches over to squeeze her hand. it's casual. but there are butterflies in her stomach, and chaeyoung doesn't think she'll ever get used to it. to the fact that her heart threatens to burst out of her chest every single time dahyun smiles at her. because it's so cheesy. she's in love. and loved. and happy.

 

"yeah, i do."

 

she squeezes back. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

"yoda!"

 

it's the only warning she gets before she's met with a face full of blond hair. short blond hair, that sticks up in weird directions. that she'd recognise anywhere. 

 

"jeongyeon unnie," tzuyu returns the hug. enthusiastically. the older girl gives the best hugs. she melts into it. especially when she's in one of her washed out hoodies. it's comforting. "i didn't know you'd be here." 

 

"how could i miss the opportunity to see you?" the blond haired girl coos. ruffles her hair and tzuyu smiles. the older girl had been her first friend in the modelling industry, a senior from the same agency who'd shown her the ropes and who'd she'd relied heavily on. still does. they'd met at her debut show when tzuyu was a bundle of nerves and had accidentally stumbled into jeonygeon's waiting room. 

 

("you looked so scared," jeongyeon teases. "such a child." then does her best exaggerated imitation of a wide-eyed bobbled-head tzuyu, and erupts in laughter when tzuyu pushes her away.

 

"meanie." ) 

 

"it's good to see you, unnie." 

 

jeongyeon gives her one last squeeze before sinking into the makeup chair next to hers. the eye bags under the older girl's eyes doesn't go unnoticed, but tzuyu knows it's a price they all have to pay. she's getting used to it. she hopes.

 

there's some yelling outside, and the makeup artists come in. a lot of them. with the hair stylists. cue the backstage chaos. it's loud, it's messy, it's everything tzuyu hates. she doesn't think she'll ever get used to it. wonders how jeongyeon unnie manages to stay calm. chats up the staff. well, only to those that aren't snappy.

 

the older girl had once shared her know-how: to lose yourself in the chaos. to not fight it. to ride the chaos, or something like that. but that also meant that you had to be part of the chaos, right? tzuyu thinks jeongyeon must be crazy. or has reached nirvana of some sort. 

 

tzuyu settles for respectful smiles and small talk. grits her teeth through it all. reminds herself that this is her dream. to be able to walk on such a prestigious runway. it's an alexander wang collection today - one of her favourites, and she'd been so giddy when her manager told her about it. because she'd always been a fan. she'd honestly didn't expect to be invited, with being a newbie and all, somewhat. it hasn't even been two years since her debut, and tzuyu's been receiving so much attention. she's grateful. so, so grateful.

 

grateful. 

 

"let's take a selfie," she says. after the styling team has made her somewhat presentable. it's two hours before showtime, and both her and jeongyeon are only left with wardrobe. they have half an hour to kill before their scheduled fitting, and tzuyu doesn't do well with waiting.

 

jeongyeon has her front camera ready before she can even blink. tzuyu rolls her eyes. she'd forgotten the older girl's passion for selfies. "you're such a selfie whore, unnie."

 

"what?" jeongyeon tuts. "i'm helping you get pr off your back, child." pinches tzuyu's cheek hard enough for her to yelp in pain, and then snaps a series of photos. "won't they ask you to update your social media?"

 

great. more of her unglams. jeongyeon's phone has so many of them she's not even how the phone hasn't cracked, at the sheer intensity of it all. 

 

"besides, you look _smoking_ hot," she whistles.

 

tzuyu rubs her cheek. looks at her reflection in the camera. they're going for some sort of mystery concept today - hence the heavy makeup. black, winged eyeliner, red lips. she looks... hot. wow. and so does jeongyeon. the older girl's blond crop is combed back. somewhat windswept. 

 

"you look like a hot beggar, unnie." she laughs. jeongyeon only sticks out her tongue, before pulling her in by the arm and continuing to snap more photos. then tries to kiss the cheek she'd pinched earlier - a few times. but tzuyu dodges them all. prides herself on her lightning reflexes. she likes to think she might have been the flash in her previous life. or maybe a ninja.

 

but when jeongyeon pouts, tzuyu relents. let the older girl kiss her cheek. only once. because she knows jeongyeon loves to baby her. and she knows that jeongyeon knows, that this is her own way of saying _thank you._ of expressing gratitude. when she couldn't trust her words to say it all. 

 

that she wouldn't be here without jeongyeon. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

she's exhausted. so, so exhausted, but so happy. the adrenaline is still pumping in her veins, and tzuyu's sure its the only thing keeping her alive. and moving. she's being ushered back into the waiting room after changing. jeongyeon had left after the first half because of another schedule, and tzuyu is bummed she didn't get to say goodbye.

 

her fingers go on autopilot when she gets to her seat: digging around for her phone. ignores her manager when he calls her a 'millennial'. it's been five hours since she'd last checked her messages. social media, too. what's wrong with using her phone? she's not a caveman, and they're living in the twenty-first century, for fuck's sake.

 

tzuyu checks instagram first. her earlier selfie with jeongyeon already has about a hundred thousand likes. it's the photo of jeongyeon pinching her cheek and tzuyu scrunching up her face in pain. they both had a good laugh at the photos taken - there were so many to choose from but she'd decided that this was her favourite because her scrunched up face was _way_ too funny. jeongyeon had agreed, saying that she'd looked like wrinkled bread, and tzuyu thinks she has enough grace in her to let it slide. 

 

and then there's the comment that she'd come to expect with every post.

 

 

_**imnayeonofficial:** chou tzuyu angel from the heavens wo ai ni!!! _

she sighs. but then there's a few more comments below that catches her eye.

 

 

_**imnayeonofficial:** omggg @ujeongyeon go away why r u bullying the prettiest girl on earth _

_**ujeongyeon:** why are u here u old lady _

_**imnayeonofficial:** old lady??? we're the SAME AGE_

so jeongyeon knew this im nayeon person. that's... new. maybe she should find out more about this crazy fan of hers, you know. research. know thy enemy. tzuyu's pulling up jeongyeon's chat in seconds, ignoring chaeyoung's messages - she had probably just sent her screenshots of im nayeon's latest comments. 

 

 

**tzuyu [10.10pm] :** _unnie_

 

**tzuyu [10.10pm] :** _you know im nayeon?_

the reply is instantaneous. tzuyu thinks jeongyeon might be a slave to her phone, but she's not complaining.

**jeongyeon [10.11pm] :** _ye_

**jeongyeon [10.11pm] :** _we were from the same neighbourhood_

 

**jeongyeon [10.11pm] :** _haahah_ _like really old friends_

**jeongyeon [10.12pm] :** _why?_

**jeongyeon [10.12pm] :** _she bothering u??_

 

 

bothering? tzuyu scoffs. this has to be the understatement of the century. 

 

 

**jeongyeon [10.12pm] :** _i mean, aside from her usual_

so jeongyeon knew? well. tzuyu doesn't understand why she's even surprised - most of her fans know, too. about this im nayeon's 'aggressive displays of affection', as chaeyoung puts it. most of them think it's cute. even her pr team, but only because she gets more likes. and followers.  

 

 

**tzuyu [10.14pm] :** _lol nah, i was just curious_

**tzuyu [10.14pm] :** _unnie... u need better friends_

**jeongyeon [10.16pm] :** _r00d_

**jeongyeon [10.16pm] :** _i know she seems like an airhead, and doesn't know what she's doing most of the time but she does_

****

**jeongyeon [10.17pm] :** _nd she's nice_

**jeongyeon [10.17pm] :** _aren't u her neighbour now??_

**jeongyeon [10.17pm] :** _how did we not talk about this just now_

**jeongyeon [10.18pm] :** _i knOW EVERYTHING_

great. the other girl probably knows all about her stupid encounter in the lift. embarrassing. 

 

**tzuyu [10.20pm] :** _yup_

**tzuyu [10.20pm] :** _and no we don't need to talk about it_

**tzuyu [10.20pm] :** _safe flight unnie <3_

_tzuyu is offline._

**jeongyeon [10.21pm] :** _CHOU TZUYUU (unread)_

**jeongyeon [10.21pm] :** come BACK  _(unread)_

**jeongyeon [10.22pm] :** _thank you <3 we are not done talking young lady _ _(unread)_  

tzuyu closes the chat. rubs her temples before opening chaeyoung's messages, only to see that it was indeed screenshots of miss im nayeon's latest comments. then leaves it on read because she can't deal with this stupid blogger with the cute teeth while she feels a headache coming. the adrenaline seemed to be wearing off and she's hit by a sudden wave of exhaustion. 

 

"let's go." her manager calls, and tzuyu's never been more thankful to go home.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

the im nayeon saga continues, to tzuyu's dismay. 

 

everyone else seems to be on board. which is absolutely _ridiculous_ , because it's so stupid. a one-sided thing. it's just a fan, showing her (albeit unconditional) love for a celebrity. nothing more, nothing less. there's also been more comments on her recent posts, with fans saying that they are on board this 'ship'. 

 

the ship to hell, maybe.

 

she's also the only one who no longer bats an eyelash at the questionable gifts she'd find at her doorstep. it'd started off as something cute - flowers, post-it notes with cheesy pick up lines, gummy sweets - cute. but then tzuyu'd made the mistake of posting a picture of the gifts received with the corniest caption she could think of; she'd genuinely thought they were from her fans, and wanted to thank them. but her dumbass didn't realise that delivered gifts had to be collected from the security post herself. and since they appeared on her doorstep...

 

if the comments under that photo were anything to go by, it was _definitely_ not from her fanclub. 

 

so chou tzuyu herself had unknowingly validated im nayeon's already-over-the-top display of affection. which of course, only served to fuel the blogger's intent. which then resulted in the mess her apartment was currently in - the left side of the living room was partially filled with flowers (some already wilting because she couldn't be bothered to put them in a vase), soft toys, and a whole bunch of other stuff tzuyu doesn't know what to do about. 

 

she narrows her eyes at the brown rilakkuma standing at about two meters tall. the tallest of the herd. gucci is strangely fond of it. sniffs and nips at it all day - there is already a small tear in one of it's arms. it's like he knows she secretly likes it, too. knows that the fastest way to get to her (heart) would be through life-sized stuffed toys. because they reminded her so much of home. of the ones she'd left back in taiwan. pft. 

 

but there was no way im nayeon knew about that. she'd never mentioned it in any of her interviews. mastered the art of answering questions with half truths. built a personality she's sure no one could fault her for.   

 

it's probably just a coincidence. 

 

her phone vibrates, and she puts down her coffee in favour of opening it.

 

 

**chaeyoung [1.25pm]:** _donate it then_

donate it? donate it! holy shit. chaeyoung was a genius. tzuyu busies herself with sending a flurry of heart emojis back. she'd sent a photo earlier - of the ever growing pile of gifts, complaining about how they were taking up more space than herself, and chaeyoung? chaeyoung delivered. a solution.

 

son chaeyoung never disappoints. 

 

within the hour her manager arrived, with a few other people from the agency. he'd stopped to coo at the gifts, teasing her relentlessly about her (not so) secret admirer, before withering under her stare. it was a lot of work - they'd packed up the gifts in boxes to drop them off at some orphanage, and tzuyu has never been happier to throw out stuff she'd deemed useless. besides, these were for a good cause, and her pr team was more than happy about the good publicity. they'd also insisted that she update her instagram with a photo of her at the orphanage with her boxes - and tzuyu'd honestly thought that it would somehow or rather put a stop to im nayeon's lunacy, but then - 

 

 

_**imnayeonofficial:** what an angel!!! i love uuu_

and then she gets some texts from jeongyeon: 

 

 

**jeongyeon [5.12pm]:** _she doesn't give up easily_

**jeongyeon [5.12pm]:** _also you're too cute ;))))))))_

tzuyu officially gives up.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

it's chuseok night. also the loneliest night in korea, if you were a foreigner. because seoul becomes a ghost town. everyone's off to spend time with their families, and it's only a short break this time so she doesn't get to go back to taiwan. tzuyu is left all alone, and the alcohol in her fridge and some leftover takeout makes poor company. the night is too  _quiet_. 

 

she'd called her mother earlier, like the filial daughter she is. tried her best not to burst into tears, because it's chuseok. the time of the year when she gets extra homesick. second guesses her decision to move to korea, because what good is there in making a career out here if she can't spend time with her family? it's been about a year since she last went back to taiwan. her manager says they'll give her a break soon during off peak season, but tzuyu knows he doesn't really have much say with management. it's no one's fault, after all. it's the price she paid for her dream.

 

gucci is cuddled up with the rilakkuma. he's made it his new bed, it seems. he never sleeps on her bed anymore. the bitter aftertaste of the whiskey makes everything dull, and the way it burns down her throat makes her thinks she deserves it. tzuyu settles for staring at the lonely cigarette sitting at the edge of the table, before taking another drag. the ember flickers, and the nicotine is numbing. 

 

reality hits her hard. she's only a few glasses in, with some old rerun on the tv she's not even paying attention to, but the living room looks a little fuzzy. tzuyu never liked whiskey, but it was the strongest thing she had, and she wasn't going to be picky if she was going to get drunk. fast. the empty takeout boxes lay at the side of the coffee table, and there was no way she wasn't going to get them out _before_ she got drunk. the last time she'd forgot, she woke up to find gravy everywhere. but that might have happened because of a drunk dahyun. either way, tzuyu wasn't taking any chances, because scrubbing food out of her carpet hungover was not something she wanted to experience. again.

 

so she stubs the cigarette. stands up slowly. blinks a couple of times before moving to get the trash. it's mechanical, the way her feet shuffles to the door - unwilling to snap out of her self-induced dread. opens the door, only to be met with the weirdest sight ever:

 

a girl squatting in front of her doormat. 

 

tzuyu jumps. then stares. the girl stares back, before realising she's caught red handed. then slowly moves to stand up so they're staring at each other, still. at eye level. 

 

"what the fuck," she ends up saying. the alcohol has diluted her filter. it's im nayeon, in her bunny pajamas, holding what looks like a container of... food?

 

"h-hi." im nayeon bows, then hands her the container. "i, uh, made some food and just wanted to give it to you..?" 

 

the hallway is quiet. there is only one lamp left on at this hour of the night, and tzuyu isn't sure if she is seeing things. 

 

"you look like gollum."

 

im nayeon blinks. tzuyu wants to die, again. because the yellow light does actually make this im nayeon person look a little sickly. but still, pretty. and pretty girls will be the death of her. im nayeon in her bunny pajamas and no make up? the audacity. she looks so much younger, and innocent. and real. 

 

"uh, here." the trash is pulled out of her hands. there's a container of food instead, and upon closer look tzuyu realises that it's seaweed soup. "i hope you like it. i, uh, always drink this when i feel lonely."

 

she bows again, and makes to leave - but is stopped by tzuyu's fingers wrapping around her arm.

 

'why aren't you with your family? it's chuseok." nothing is making sense. the whiskey has successfully warped her thoughts, and this is the one time tzuyu is _trying_ to make sense of things while tipsy. it does not go well. 

 

it's silent. even more so, and it's suffocating. im nayeon turns around. tzuyu doesn't know if it's her own inebriated state or the poor lighting, but she thinks there are unshed tears in the other girl's eyes when she smiles back.

 

"they're busy."

 

im nayeon is sad. chou tzuyu is lonely. the alcohol conveniently makes her forget the fact that she is indeed, talking to her online stalker of some sort. but not being with family on a family day? that is something that she's sadly familiar with - and she's not going to let someone go through that. while she's there. 

 

"do you want to come in?" tzuyu convinces herself that she's doing her part as a good neighbour. not because of im nayeon's puppy eyes. which might have softened her more than usual. and coupled with the alcohol - tzuyu just hopes she won't regret this. "i have alcohol. a lot of it."

 

"you're... inviting me in?" im nayeon asks. hesitantly. digs her heel into the ground. "i thought - you hated me."

 

tzuyu quirks a smile. 

 

"i don't, actually. it's just - a little overwhelming, you know? all the comments." she releases the other girl's wrist, only to grab her hand. "and gifts."

 

another pause.

 

"come in? i promise i won't bite."

 

im nayeon smiles. tzuyu's heart squeezes.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

chaeyoung taps her feet. the elevator is taking forever, and nothing is helping her calm down. for a luxury apartment complex, the service is terrible. 

 

"i'm sure she's fine, chaeng," dahyun adjusts her coat. moves to press the button for the elevator, again. the security guard recognised them a long time ago, ever since the day chaeyoung helped tzuyu move - they'd hung out a lot at tzuyu's place while she was free, of course. since her apartment was right up in the heart of seoul. and real fancy.

 

"you know how she gets during chuseok," chaeyoung sighs. runs her hand through her hair. they'd knew about tzuyu's bouts of homesick-ness; the self-pity, hatred - years ago dahyun had invited tzuyu to join them at her family's for the weekend in an attempt to not make her feel lonely, but she'd declined. chaeyoung knew: tzuyu would only see herself as an outsider. which, after many years of knowing her, was a lame excuse for: a painful reminder of what she couldn't have - time with her family.

 

they'd rushed back to seoul on the first train after the weekend. as demanding as the entertainment industry was, chuseok was family time, and that meant that most of them had no schedules for the next two days. it was chaeyoung's idea to visit tzuyu, and maybe make her food -  of course dahyun had tagged along.

 

("but you can't cook," dahyun raises an eyebrow. puts the cabbage back on the shelf, from the shopping basket. "you're not cooking."

 

"fine," chaeyoung huffs. "you're paying for takeout.")

 

when they'd finally arrived at tzuyu's floor, chaeyoung had all but dragged dahyun to tzuyu's apartment. keyed the password in with practiced ease. dahyun hadn't expected such enthusiasm from chaeyoung seeing that neither of them were morning people, but she'd chalked it up to chaeyoung's way of showing their taiwanese friend how much she cared. once chaeyoung took you under her wing, there was no going back. it's cute.

 

the electronic lock opens with a familiar chime. tzuyu never gets up before noon, and chaeyoung doesn't want to risk ruining the surprise. but then dahyun's hand is heavy on her shoulder -

 

"look." 

 

her other hand points to the pair of crocs lying in the corner, haphazardly kicked off. chaeyoung tilts her head. looks at dahyun quizzically. raises an eyebrow - 

 

oh. 

 

they were crocs, for fuck's sake. an obnoxious shade of pink. and tzuyu doesn't own crocs. never has, and never will. has repeatedly dissed the brand for their ridiculous designs, and would never be caught wearing any. so this couldn't be -

 

"there's someone," dahyun whispers. chaeyoung is sure her eyes has doubled in size. she dumps the takeout quietly on the table. removes her shoes, then grabs dahyun's hand. chou tzuyu has a guest? on chuseok? pigs could start flying anytime soon.

 

they reach the living room. gucci is curled up next to the rilakkuma, his ears twitching the only indication he heard them enter. chaeyoung pads over to scratch his ears, and surveys the mess - there are empty cans of beer lying on the coffee table, a half empty whiskey bottle, a container of what looks like soup, and... 

 

a pair of panties.

 

dahyun whistles softly. 

 

"looks like she wasn't lonely after all." she snorts. picks up the panties, and examines it. chaeyoung presses her lips together at the absurdity of the situation, before settling for giggling softly into her palm. who knew chou tzuyu had game?

 

"should we leave?" she snatches the panties from dahyun. dumps it on the sofa. "i'm low key afraid to go in and say hi."

 

"are you kidding?" dahyun hisses. "this is gold. we have to find out who it is." chaeyoung isn't sure if she likes the look in dahyun's eyes. it's the same look she had when she had suggested to swim across the han river. which for obvious reasons, did not happen under tzuyu's watch.

 

but there was no tzuyu, now, and dahyun looks like she's just unearthed gold. if, if and only _if_ they were right, tzuyu might just hate them. forever.

 

"come on," dahyun whines. "remember the time she 'accidentally' used all your shampoo?" 

 

right. her shampoo.

 

chaeyoung's on her feet in no time, dragging a smug looking dahyun along to the bedroom. her heart is pounding, and her palms sweaty - the adrenaline is making her hands shake. dahyun already has her phone camera out.

 

the room is a mess. there are clothes strewn all over the floor, a set of bunny print pajamas chaeyoung raises her eyebrows at, and the curtains are only partially drawn. it's barely illuminated by the morning sun. she squints a little.

 

they tip-toe over to the bedside as quietly as they can. chaeyoung's not sure what she expects: it's tzuyu sleeping soundly, with a girl in her arms. her face is partially covered by her long tresses, but it's more than enough to determine that she's a beauty. they look peaceful. she feels like she's intruding on something extremely private (she is), and she's almost sorry for dahyun snapping a photo. almost.  

 

the nudity is something chaeyoung has long gotten used to. but it doesn't stop her from staring. sure, she's seen tzuyu naked many times, but this other girl has a body that she can only dream of -

 

there is a flash from the camera. chaeyoung mentally facepalms. watches as dahyun flinches, and instinctively steps back. they exchange a look, holding a collective breath, heart pounding, waiting for any sort of movement -

 

tzuyu opens her eyes. blinks. looks to dahyun first, who's still holding out her phone. then to chaeyoung. they are both frozen in place. 

 

the silence is palpable. tzuyu blinks again. furiously, before her face morphs into a look of horror chaeyoung wants to immortalise. snap a picture maybe, and frame it up. because a flustered chou tzuyu is hilarious. she bites back the laugh that threatens to escape. turns to see the same mirth reflected in dahyun's eyes. this was definitely one for the books. 

 

no one says anything. chaeyoung is pretty sure they're just waiting for tzuyu to snap. the taiwanese girl sits up, narrows her eyes dangerously at the phone in dahyun's hand - dahyun and chaeyoung tense up, ready to run for their lives -

 

but then the other girl stirs. licks her lips. lets out a whine at the loss of contact, and the three of them freeze. the girl rolls over to where tzuyu is currently sat, and burrows her face in tzuyu's lap. tzuyu is wide-eyed. maybe horrified. it's cute. mostly funny. chaeyoung wonders if this can be considered character development. chou tzuyu, age twenty-two, having a one night stand on chuseok. her baby is growing up. 

 

it's not long before the girl's breathing evens. tzuyu checks, before visibly relaxing. dahyun's wriggling her eyebrows like she always does, and chaeyoung can't help but let out a snort. 

 

tzuyu's glaring at her in an instant. laser beams. mouths a harsh _get out!_ together with a cutthroat gesture, and points to the door. it's like getting threatened by a cupcake, at this point. dahyun makes kissy faces, and they eventually leave after tzuyu throws her pillows at them. because they're nice people. after all. and it kind of hurt. the pillows.

 

"holy shit," chaeyoung yells, when they're outside. normal speaking volume. "i can't believe it! this is good enough blackmail material for the next five years."

 

"you think?" dahyun grins. slaps chaeyoung on the shoulder. "our baby's growing up, chaeng. i can't believe she had company. for chuseok." 

 

they fall into a comfortable silence. it's still early morning, and there's nothing but the sound of their shoes against the gravel. but then dahyun gasps.

 

"what if... she's a call girl?" her hand covers her mouth dramatically. 

 

chaeyoung rolls her eyes. "don't be stupid. call girls don't stay the night." turns to dahyun and taps her nose gently. "didn't you get a picture?"

 

dahyun's eyes widen. then she stops walking altogether. pulls out her phone, and scrolls through her camera roll. the photo is well taken for an amateur, in a crisis, and chaeyoung is proud. the subjects are in focus, and the flash made everything brighter and clearer when she'd zoomed in -

 

they gasp.

 

"isn't that im nayeon?"

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

morning afters are terrifying. especially when you have nowhere to escape, because you're already in your damn apartment.

 

the im nayeon girl is still asleep on her lap. nayeon, tzuyu corrects herself. remembers. she'd dropped the formalities last night. tzuyu wants to bury herself alive. it's been two hours, and her legs are starting to feel numb. how long does this girl sleep? she wants to get up and pee. but then nayeon would probably wake up, and tzuyu has yet to decide on a course of action. for the inevitable encounter.

 

because for one, she'd just slept with her neighbour. who also happens to be her online stalker fan of some sort. who she was supposed to be avoiding, because she's just an airhead, who also happens to have a hot ass body and tastes like -

 

two, were they together now? was this how relationships worked? was this even a relationship? the closest thing she'd ever had to a relationship was in college, and even then they were just... strangely unsatisfying. she'd never had to have _the conversation._ urgh.

she'd poured her heart out to a stranger, for fuck's sake. how embarrassing. remembers how nayeon had drank like a german. how they exchanged life stories. how nayeon had blushed when she told her she'd kept the rilakkuma. then tries not to think about how her knees turned into jelly when the older girl called her pretty. multiple times. what a loser. tzuyu'd like to think that it was the alcohol making nayeon more honest (and aggressive) than usual. it's not like she hasn't been called pretty before, given the industry she works in - the word is pretty much meaningless at this point - but the way nayeon had said it made her insides turn into liquid. which is probably why she'd kissed her. oh god.

 

tzuyu reaches for her phone. checks her social media. there is nothing much on a sunday morning, so she pulls up nayeon's instagram page instead. to kill time, she tells herself.

 

for a blogger, nayeon is doing a really good job. her instagram feed is so, so aesthetic. makeup reviews, food, travel posts - impressive. maybe she is more than the airhead tzuyu thinks she is. then remembers what nayeon had said about her family, three beers in. 

 

broken, somewhat. divorced parents. both remarried, and never really bothered to care for her once she turned eighteen. it'd intrigued tzuyu to no end: people with broken families don't smile that much. but this girl? a blogger. someone who made a career out of showing the positive aspects of her life. smiling consistently. a pretty face, maybe. packaged nicely. very much like herself.

 

or maybe, it was just a front. 

 

"tzuyu?"  

 

it is as awkward as it gets. 

 

nayeon is hissing in pain as she sits up. cracks one eye open as she looks at tzuyu, who slaps her poker face on. tries to keep the internal panic to a minimum, because she still hasn't decided on what to do. watches as the blogger girl in her bed collects her thoughts, and then:

 

"fuck, did we - ?" nayeon mumbles. rubs her eyes, then her temples. looks tzuyu in the eye again, and there is something in there she can't place. tzuyu manages a nod. 

 

"i'm sorry," she says. shakes her head. "i got too drunk, and - i - urgh. i have to go." 

 

nayeon scrambles out of bed. "i'm sorry," she repeats. keeps her eyes on the floor.  _wait,_ tzuyu wants to say. but her lips are glued shut. the words get stuck somewhere in her throat, between the time it takes for nayeon to hastily grab her clothes, and is out of the room before tzuyu can understand.

 

the sound of the door slamming echoes throughout the apartment, and tzuyu thinks she hears her heart shattering. a little. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

it's way past midnight when jeongyeon returns home. home meaning seoul, where her apartment is. chuseok is great and all, but dealing with relatives that you see once a year gets too much when all they care about is your career. 

 

she unlocks the door. drops her bag. toes her shoes off without undoing her laces, because all she wants is to sleep for the next ten hours. but then she flips on the light switch, and bites back the scream when she realises that she isn't alone.

 

"what the fuck, nayeon." the other girl is sat on her couch, staring into nothing. it's times like this she regrets telling nayeon about the spare key underneath her doormat.

 

jeongyeon approaches cautiously. she'd gotten used to nayeon's untimely visits, and the reasons behind had ranged from pure boredom to life changing events - like her parents' divorce. there are no tears, no alcohol this time; her gut tells her that it's something less... extreme. nayeon is still silent, but glances over when jeongyeon moves over.

 

"i slept with tzuyu," nayeon sighs.

 

jeongyeon's eyebrows shoot up. "okay..?" drags out the word. then frowns because shouldn't nayeon be happy about that? finally getting the girl? 

 

"i was so lonely, jeong. you know how it is." nayeon examines her nails. "i was just going to leave her some food, then she invited me in and there was alcohol and then it just happened, you know? i - urgh. i think she actually _liked_  me."

 

the thing is: nayeon's heart is a labyrinth. there is no clear exit. only an entrance, that disappears once entered. the walls are always changing, depending on nothing. no solid factors. no constants, only variables. even nayeon herself can't keep up. it was the reason they'd broke up - because it was too tiring trying to figure out what nayeon was up to. jeongyeon'd only learnt much later into their friendship that you had to let the other girl come to you. there was no use forcing her, and with jeongyeon's impatient personality - the breakup was a blessing in disguise.

 

so jeongyeon waits. contemplates getting some alcohol. but then nayeon looks right into her eyes, and jeongyeon knows the other girl's waiting for her to say something. 

 

"okay," she starts. "you like her, right? so you slept with her. if she didn't like you she wouldn't have invited you in, dumbass. it's a mutual thing. alcohol doesn't make you sleep with someone if you didn't already like them in the beginning, idiot. it just amplifies the attraction between people - "

 

"jeongyeon." nayeon says her name. it's final. but jeongyeon's never one for the rules. at least between them, and so she presses. hard.

 

"why is it a bad thing if she likes you?" 

 

nayeon closes her eyes. jeongyeon knows better to think that she's crying. the other girl takes a deep breath. fortifies her defenses, maybe. 

 

"i used her, jeong. i - " nayeon's voice wavers. she clears her throat. "she probably doesn't remember, anyway. there was way too much alcohol. we were both lonely, and we used each other. i _used_ her, jeong. the girl i like. what kind of an asshole am i?" there is a bitter laugh.

 

about the labyrinth: it warps in a way jeongyeon thinks is stupid. runs on a heavily flawed algorithm, because all it does is make nayeon stupid. results in an unhappy nayeon. it doesn't help that the other girl wears it like a chalice. it's tiring to watch her crash and burn, again, especially when both parties involved are dear to her.

 

jeongyeon makes a decision.

 

"have you talked to her?" she looks at nayeon. then is met with silence. rolls her eyes. "talk to her, for fuck's sake. you think you've used her, but if she likes you then it's okay, right? since it's mutual.  you won't know anything until you talk to her. how can you live without knowing anything?" 

 

nayeon looks at her like she's speaking in another language entirely. 

 

"talk. to. her. even if she doesn't like you, she's angry or hurt - you have to _know_  before you decide on what's next, right? if she's angry or hurt then you apologise. if she decides she doesn't want to give you another chance, then at least you _know_." she continues. "and then you move on."

 

it works. nayeon's eyes soften. jeongyeon takes it as a victory. the seed has been planted, and her job is done. nayeon isn't stupid, and jeongyeon trusts that the other girl will work it out. eventually. 

 

soon enough, nayeon blinks. then continues staring at jeongyeon, while jeongyeon counts to ten - 

 

the other girl hugs her. it's brief and quick, like she has somewhere else to be. jeongyeon only manages a small squeeze back and grunts in approval before nayeon's on her feet, making her way towards the door.

 

the door clicks shut. jeongyeon is alone.

 

finally.

 

the pain in her chest dulls to a slow hum. it's about time it heals. completely. 

 

she falls asleep on the couch. it's definitely the travelling. not the tears.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

"what do you mean you didn't see him?" she yells. "you're the guard here! it's _your_ job." 

 

tzuyu forces herself to take a deep breath. exhales slowly, before returning her stare to the security guard in front of her. whom, she wants to kill. right now. the one day there's a new security guard. who slept on the job. at least he has the decency to look apologetic. what kind of security guard doesn't watch the fucking door? 

 

"i'm sorry. i - i could show you the cctv, if you want." he says. points to the security camera at the entrance of the lobby.

 

long story short: she'd returned from a shoot. took out the trash, and forgot to close the door. when she'd returned, gucci was nowhere to be found. cue the panic and the distress. 

 

the cctv footage shows gucci running out of the door when other people came in. tzuyu feels the anger bubbling to the surface again. clawing at her throat, because all of this was her fault. so much for blaming the guard. what kind of a responsible dog owner was she? she'd been neglecting gucci because of her busy schedules, but gucci had always been a low maintenance dog. smart, understanding. always there for her when no one was. 

 

what if he's lost forever?

 

her vision blurs. tzuyu digs her nails into her palm, half-moon indents keeping the tears at bay. all of this is her fucking fault, and there is no one but her to make it right again. 

 

"tzuyu?" 

 

she turns. it's im nayeon, standing at the entrance of the apartment complex in her post workout glory. she looks a messy-haired, sweaty mess, neon pink sports bra cutting through tzuyu's haze. her mouth dries a little.

 

the guard's jaw drops. tries not to stare. bows in greeting, before scurrying away at nayeon's dismissive wave.

 

"tzuyu?" her name is called again. much softer this time. there are soft hands framing her face, nayeon's thumb slowly rubbing comfort into her skin. it burns through her paper walls. tzuyu tries to focus, but the close proximity fills her nostrils with the scent of lavender she'd tried so hard to forget after a week. diligently scrubbed out of her own hair. and sheets.

 

there are war flashbacks. of how nayeon had left her hanging. tzuyu didn't have it in her to confront nayeon, despite her own wants - she wasn't one for confrontations, so she'd decided to wrap it up. after three days of waiting (for what exactly, she's not entirely sure). toss that memory into a small compartment at the back of her mind. lock it up, and forget it ever happened. 

 

but the familiar scent and touch she'd been dreaming about envelops her in a cocoon of warmth, and she finds herself surrendering to the tears holding her hostage. 

 

tzuyu crumbles. folds herself into nayeon's embrace. tells the story between sobs and ugly crying. it's embarrassing, making such a scene - something she knows she will regret later, but she's already too deep down the rabbit hole to care. there is no going back. 

 

"hey," nayeon breathes. tzuyu feels herself being gently pushed away. there is a hand on her jaw again, and she tries her best not to sniffle. 

 

"i'm going out to look for gucci, okay?" the other girl says. presses a bottle of water into tzuyu's hand. "i'm sure he'll be nearby. he's a smart boy, right?" then smiles. 

 

it's a different smile this time. still bright, but a little softer. only the top of her bunny teeth shows. but the curve of her lips around her teeth is exactly the same. she manages a nod, and tries to smile through her snot and tears. nayeon's smile widens, until she laughs.

 

"don't worry," she tucks a lock of tzuyu's hair behind her ear. "gucci knows you love him, he's not going anywhere." then pauses, before giving tzuyu one last hug. "i'll be back soon, okay?" 

 

tzuyu blinks the remaining tears away. feels familiar lips upon her forehead, then watches nayeon leave, with a piece of her own heart in the other girl's hands. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

tzuyu's never been good at waiting. more of a live in the moment person, you know. she's the kid who eats the first marshmallow, and doesn't bother waiting for the second one. life's unpredictable. you might be dead before you could get the second marshmallow, so why give up the first one? 

 

she returns to her apartment, after the embarrassing ugly crying jag. cracks open a beer. tries not to think about it. about gucci, and the girl who she'd left her snot on. tzuyu is thankful - she knows she's incapable of going out looking for gucci, because she can only think about the crushing disappointment that's to come. her gaze flickers to the rilakkuma lying at the corner of the living room, where she last saw gucci. there's a new gash on it's tummy where gucci bit it the other day when they were playing around, and the memory makes tzuyu's heart squeeze in worry. there are no more tears to be shed. 

 

she'd searched the complex, an hour ago. before going to the pathetic excuse of a security guard. gucci had already left by then, and she only prays that he'll be found. because tzuyu's not sure if her lonely ass would be able to survive living alone.

 

the doorbell rings. tzuyu jumps to her feet. grips the handle a little tighter than usual. there's familiar sniffing sounds coming from outside, but she reminds herself to remain calm. drop all expectations. take things as they are, to avoid disappointment. she takes a breath, then opens the door.

 

it's im nayeon, smiling with her bunny teeth full on display. gucci barks loudly in her arms. tzuyu screams in joy. 

 

"gucci!" 

 

she lifts him up with practiced ease. spins around as she attacks him with kisses, and laughs when he licks all over her face. "i'm sorry," tzuyu mumbles, scratching his ears. "you must have been so scared." 

 

gucci barks again, jumping out of her arms. then runs into the bedroom. nayeon chuckles softly. tzuyu is reminded of the other girl's presence at the door. 

 

"thank you so much," tzuyu beams. nayeon looks more of a mess than before - her hair is all over the place, still drenched in sweat, but her smile remains in place. she must have had a hard time looking for gucci.

 

"i found him at the back alley near the convenience store playing with another dog," nayeon waves it off. "he's really smart, i think he just got a little bored at home."

 

tzuyu smiles. nayeon crinkles her nose. they fall into an awkward silence. her palms start to get sweaty, because she doesn't know what to say. should she apologise? for the ugly crying? there is a really pretty girl standing at her doorstep. her heart is racing, and she can't bring herself to open her damn mouth. her eyes dart around, settling on the obvious: nayeon's neon pink sports bra, then follows the bead of sweat that drips down nayeon's collarbone and disappears into her -

 

"i - uh, i'm gonna go." 

 

tzuyu looks up. nayeon turns around. it's chuseok night all over again, and her throat tightens. she's tired of waiting. destiny is for losers. or lazy people. she's not lazy, and tzuyu's definitely not letting some deity decide her fate. other than life, of course. 

 

"wait," she calls. catches nayeon's wrist. yanks the other girl into her apartment, then kicks the door shut. nayeon is a wide-eyed, sweaty mess that has already made residence in her heart, tzuyu realises. and she herself is a slave to her emotions. 

 

"do you want to use my shower?" she puts on her innocent face. tries not to blush. "as a token of my... appreciation." 

 

nayeon's upper lip curls. tzuyu swallows, and she finds herself being pressed into the wall. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

they lie on her bed, with semi-wet hair. the room is silent, save for nayeon's heavy breathing. tzuyu wonders if the older girl is really twenty-five, given her lack of stamina.  

 

"are you going to leave?" she asks. hugs her pillow a little tighter to her chest. reminds herself not to have any expectations this time round. to live life to its fullest, she thinks. free of stress and disappointment. picking up sunshine along the way, if you were lucky. 

 

nayeon stares at the ceiling, unmoving. "i have a video to edit."

 

okay. maybe they'll have a normal conversation this time. like adults. baby steps. tzuyu rolls onto her side.

 

"should we talk?" she accesses the other girl. this time, nayeon doesn't seem flighty. or maybe she's just sleepy. because of the earlier exertion.

 

"only if you want to," nayeon mumbles. it's loud enough for tzuyu to hear, over her own heartbeat roaring in her ears. it gives her the courage to scoot a little closer, until they're face to face. she hears nayeon's breath catch. 

 

"do you like me?" tzuyu bites her lip. tries to ignore the way nayeon goes rigid. then reminds herself again, to drop all expectations. it is what it is. "i mean, other than my modelling. i know you love it."

 

there's a pause. nayeon blushes. stares back at tzuyu, unblinking. it's intense - she fights the urge to squirm away, because there's no more running away. not now, at least. her eyes are starting to get watery with the staring when nayeon finally looks away. tucks her face into the crook of her neck right below her ear - 

 

"yes." the confession sounds more like an admission of guilt. directly into her ear. it's private. only for tzuyu to listen to, in the little pillow fort they've created. it stitches up a piece of her heart.

 

"do you like me?" tzuyu hears the waver in nayeon's voice, despite the little cough. swallows the laughter that rumbles in her chest, because the confident, over-the-top fangirl of hers has been reduced to a nervous mess. it's adorable.

 

so she wraps her arms around nayeon. makes sure to squeeze tight so the other girl squeals loudly. and laughs.

 

"why'd you think i invited you in?" 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

a celebrity's worst fear: going out in public alone. 

 

management has stressed, multiple times, on the dangers doing so. and the ten thousand reasons why you shouldn't. but jeongyeon conveniently forgets them. ignores her manager's warnings before she'd left the van. it was a much needed break after a horrible day; she was late to one of her shoots, because of a mix-up in her schedule - courtesy of one of the new managers. the client wasn't happy, and jeongyeon had to sit through gruelling phone calls throughout the ride back to seoul. 

 

she'd asked to go for a coffee run. alone. then agreed to meet the higher ups back at the company for another meeting, after walking back. the cafe isn't that far from the company, so there wasn't any reason for her manager to be nagging non-stop. jeongyeon is so, so close to losing her temper that she momentarily forgets about the fear of going out. alone. 

 

she pulls the bill of her cap a little lower down her face. the air is refreshing. it clears her mind, after hours of being cooped up in the van. soothes the ache at the back of her head. 

 

it's slightly crowded. she orders an americano. smiles when the barista compliments her, but looks away when he stares a little too long. jeongyeon knows the signs by now - the endless praises on her looks, then the unsubtle staring - the anxiety makes her stomach curl unpleasantly. he's going to recognise her. she just hopes she has it in her to smile and look pretty this time.

 

her phone rings. it's nayeon. jeongyeon no longer hesitates.

 

"hello?" 

 

"jeong! i did it. i talked to tzuyu. somewhat," nayeon's voice is loud. bright and obnoxious, like her normal self. nothing like chuseok night.

 

jeongyeon is relieved. the older girl did come around, like she'd predicted. she waits for the slight twinge of pain in her chest she's come to expect when listening to nayeon go on about tzuyu, but it doesn't come. she feels lighter than ever. uncharacteristically proud. and happy for the other girl, even. listens to nayeon going on about them not being official, yet. going with the flow, whatever that means. as long as they're talking.

 

her name is called. she grabs the coffee, and hurries out of the cafe. interrupts nayeon's fangirling - starts ranting about the shitty day she has had. jeongyeon looks at her watch: the meeting is in ten minutes, and the cafe is about fifteen minutes away. she may have bitten a little more off than she could chew. 

 

"i asked to walk back to the company," she continues. the streets are crowded. "some fresh air, you know. manager-oppa went crazy in the van with all the shouting." focuses on avoiding people. "like, it isn't my - "

 

something warm and hard crashes into her right shoulder. it's a blur. she loses her senses for half a second, before she's snapped back into reality by the sickening crack of her phone against the pavement. fucking hell.

 

"watch where you're going!" jeongyeon snarls.  at the offending passerby - a girl, in a navy blue coat, who is glaring right back at her, with her huge eyes. the audacity. 

 

the girl adjusts her bag. "clearly you weren't," she snarks back. "i was walking perfectly fine, until you got in _my_ way."

 

jeongyeon thinks an aneurysm is imminent. she bites her tongue. bends down to flip over her phone -

 

there's a crack on the screen. diagonally, throughout. it doesn't turn on. the bottom left corner is dented. _deep breaths,_  she reminds herself. tries to calm down. at least her coffee remains untouched. there is still some good in this world.

 

"my phone is dead," she grits out. holds it out for the girl to see. "how are you going to take responsibility?" 

 

the girl raises an eyebrow. "responsibility?" she laughs. "maybe if you didn't pull that ugly cap so far down your face you would have avoided me."   

 

jeongyeon's eye twitches. who the hell was this girl? sure she was pretty, but what was with the nasty attitude? taking responsibility for the broken phone was a stretch, but surely an apology wasn't. 

 

"now if you'll excuse me," she says. "i have an important meeting to get to." moves to fix her hair in front of the cafe window, and walks off. 

 

wow. jeongyeon wonders if her nails are sharp enough to pierce through the girl's throat. drown her in the han river, maybe. dissolving her body in acid? breaking bad is educationally inspiring. 

 

ten minutes later, she swallows the thread of expletives at the tip of her tongue when the very same girl walks into the meeting room. 

 

"i'd like to introduce our new public relations executive, park jihyo."

 

jeongyeon doesn't clap. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

they fall into an unofficial routine. tzuyu gets used to it. 

 

on some days she comes home to nayeon - editing videos, photos, writing reviews, tzuyu thinks she's seen it all. it borderlines on domestic, and she thinks she feels a little less lonely. nayeon had asked for the passcode one night while they were drinking at the other girl's apartment, after tzuyu had been forcefully dragged over to kill some bugs.  

 

(she'd never admit it, but tzuyu was a little disappointed when nayeon had stopped leaving gifts on her doorstep.)

 

she'd mentioned something about tzuyu's bed being bigger and more comfy. _so gucci won't be lonely,_ she continues. watching nayeon put up a nonchalant front has slowly started to become tzuyu's favourite thing about the other girl, because it's hilarious. it's either that, or a stuttering mess, and it's endearing. so tzuyu agrees. the point about gucci resonantes with her. plus, she could use the company. 

 

today she comes home to find nayeon slumped over the dining table. gucci is curled up beside her open laptop - he doesn't even bother to greet her anymore. he'd taken an instant liking to nayeon, which might be due to the fact that she'd found him while he was lost; but most days it has tzuyu burning with jealousy because her dog doesn't even respond to her calls anymore, when nayeon is around. when she's the one paying for his organic dog food. what an ungrateful brat. 

 

("he's fallen for my beauty," nayeon smirks, as gucci circles excitedly around her feet. "or my bubbly personality."

 

 tzuyu pointedly ignores her for the next hour.)

 

she dumps her coat on the other dining chair. drapes one of the blankets she keeps on the couch over a sleeping nayeon. moves to pull the laptop away, but then stops at what she sees on the screen - 

 

it's nayeon's latest upload on her youtube channel. an hour ago, it reads. it's titled _fashion fast forward,_ and the thumbnail is... jeongyeon-unnie? on a runway. tzuyu recognises it as the one from the alexander wang collection. interesting. the curiosity is channelled into her fingertips, as she clicks on the video. curiosity made you smarter, anyway. encourages learning.  

 

the video starts with a typical channel introduction. baby pink, with a cute bunny logo as her icon. tzuyu is no stranger to youtube videos, but actually knowing one of them now puts things in perspective - at least she knows the amount of effort going into each video. the background is unmistakably nayeon's living room, with the white wall and roman numeral clock she's grown to hate. because of its hourly chimes. 

 

nayeon talks about fashion. coats, sweaters, boots - winter wear in general. the latest buys. how she styles herself. shows a few examples of her favourite outfits. she's wearing the same purple turtleneck in the video, which could only mean that she'd filmed it today. tzuyu is impressed. at the video, and the other girl's efficiency. her work ethic is not to be questioned.

 

but then nayeon starts talks about runway shows. talks about the alexander wang collection, two weeks ago. something about it being great. then gives a rundown of the show; the hit and misses, the length of the models legs, and some of the distinctive walks.

 

"here's an encore, for those of you who missed it," she says. it's followed with a disclaimer that she's only just a fan, and means absolutely no harm. of course. 

 

the video cuts to nayeon giving exaggerated poses, impersonating some of the models and the clothes they wore, with a side by side comparison to the actual show. a sort of parody. she'd only imitated a few, but tzuyu recognises one of them as jeongyeon - because of the blonde wig. she tries her best to laugh quietly, but nayeon did a really good job with imitating jeongyeon, up to the chin thing she knows jeongyeon does. it's hilarious. her stomach hurts. she reminds herself to send a link to jeongyeon later.

 

then the next one hits a little too close to home. tzuyu's smile freezes. this one's her, complete with her long black hair and green lenses. nayeon's face here is stoic, a little _too_ stoic and that's fine, because walks are meant to be expressionless. but then tzuyu sees nayeon swinging her arms a little too much in her stride, and feels something pricking at her insides. it's an old habit she can't seem to get rid off. tzuyu'd only found out about it after close monitoring, but she'd never been able to fix it completely. jeongyeon calls it the ajumma walk. tzuyu thinks it looks powerful. maybe. but a little out of place, she admits. 

 

the video ends with nayeon giving a shoutout to all the models. blows kisses to one in particular: chou tzuyu. 

 

tzuyu doesn't know if she wants to kiss or strangle nayeon. so she settles for slapping the laptop shut, and pouring herself a glass of wine.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

"yoo jeongyeon." 

 

park jihyo stands tall in her stilettos, with her impeccable hair. jeongyeon grits her teeth. forces herself into a bow. as minimally respectful as possible. they're at the company, for a meeting about her next show - there was absolutely no reason for the model herself to be there: these meetings were usually only for the pr team, as well as the respective managers - but her manager had said that the new pr hotshot requested her presence. on her day off.

 

that bitch. who hadn't even apologised, for breaking her phone. it didn't help that everyonein the company was absolutely enamoured with her. miss park jihyo, the new pr executive, who looks like a million bucks. young and pretty. whom was hired to oversee their models' schedules, to prevent any future mix-ups. like jeongyeon's.

 

she feels her patience wearing thin when it's just the two of them in the room. the meeting was over five minutes ago, and _miss_ park jihyo had requested her to stay behind while everyone else left. all jeongyeon wants to do is go home. and sleep. but the universe obviously had other plans.

 

"here." 

 

park jihyo is holding out a paper bag. jeongyeon can't help but to eye it suspiciously. for all she knew, it could be a bomb. her hesitation doesn't go unnoticed, and jihyo ends up dumping the bag on the table with a sigh.

 

"look. i'm trying to apologise," she starts. "i know your manager already got you a new phone, but i got you one anyway." 

 

jeongyeon gets a proper look at the other girl. admires her small face. pretty, like the last time she saw her. model worthy, except the height. that she knew. but what was with the stick up her ass? and the unbelievably huge ego. just her luck. to have her as one of management. 

 

"you didn't even say you're _sorr_ y," she deadpans. money's not going to buy an apology. someone's gotta teach this girl manners. or, how to be a decent human being. 

 

park jihyo's jaw twitches. the air turns icy, and jeongyeon just hopes she won't get punished for being disrespectful. as much as she wanted to - she still valued her holidays. no one says anything. jeongyeon contemplates leaving, because this was a complete waste of time. if she was already going to get flak for being rude, then she might as well make the most of it -

 

there is movement from the other girl. park jihyo picks up the paper bag, and holds it out again - this time, with both hands. jeongyeon's eyebrows rise. 

 

"i'm sorry. i honestly didn't know it was you on the street that day," park jihyo says. it's surprisingly neutral. jeongyeon is impressed. she hadn't pegged this girl to be that submissive. or, she was just putting up a facade. staying professional, maybe. which is more likely, given the empty look in her eyes. "i was having a bad day. could we maybe... start over?"

 

sincere or not, it was a way out for her: a fresh start. they'd have to see each other pretty often, given management's overbearing tendencies, and there was no point holding a grudge, despite how much of a bitch the other girl was. jeongyeon cocks her head to the side. 

 

"okay." she says. returns the neutrality. takes the bag from park jihyo, and park jihyo's face breaks into a wide grin. it's nothing like jeongyeon expects, because it's _geniune_. and there's the guilt that's creeping up her spine - that maybe, just maybe, this jihyo person wasn't as bad as she thought. 

 

she returns the smile. the peace treaty is a success. 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

tzuyu loves doing individual shoots. they aren't as glamourous as fashion shows, of course - but the way she gets to work with photographers up close allows for her natural charms to be captured. different aspects of her, that she wants to show her fans. an image of herself that's the closest to her real self. it's more laid back, informal, and she doesn't have to worry about being overshadowed. the nerves don't really set in, and she thinks she can try to be herself. for once. 

 

she's at an underground basement studio, shooting for ceci. it's one of the magazines she'd used to be a huge fan of - flipping for the latest trends, the do's and don'ts - and had just finished a three hour shoot. the pictures came out so nicely tzuyu couldn't help but ask for copies.

 

all that's left was the interview. which she was all ready for, coffee in hand. the interviewer was a guy she'd been introduced to earlier on set. he seemed nice, and he'd asked for her autograph, and she'd happily complied. okay, maybe she was obliged to. because manners. besides, he had dimples. and a cute smile.

 

he sits across from her at the table, and sets down his notebook. "i'm going to be recording the interview, tzuyu-ssi." he says. turns on his voice recorder, and tzuyu nods. smiles, and steadies herself. time to be personal. as real as possible. 

 

the basic questions are asked. favourite colour, hobbies, food; tzuyu answers them all with ease. he makes the atmosphere so easy-going she forgets it's even an interview. gives good reactions when she shares filming anecdotes. in short, it's enjoyable.

 

well, until the bomb drops. she doesn't see it coming.

 

"are you and im nayeon dating?" he asks, casually. then laughs, when she's shocked into silence. complete with the dimples she thought were cute five seconds ago. before he asked the damn question that short-circuited her brain.

 

"uh," tzuyu starts. tries to reboot her brain, to think of something to say. denying it would be best - for the publicity, of course. dating news will usually result in a decrease in popularity, and that means less gigs. unfavourable. pr team has stressed, many times, to avoid such topics. but here she is, and she's already failed to wriggle her way out of it.

 

honestly? she doesn't even know. they've yet to talk about it. nayeon hasn't said anything, and tzuyu only knows she's happy. so she'll do whatever she can to keep things the way they are.

 

"fans have been speculating, and i couldn't help but to ask you," he continues. if he senses her discomfort, he doesn't show it. what an ass. yet another vulture. "im nayeon has also been leaving an unusual amount of comments on your social media platforms. rumour has it that you both live in the same apartment complex, and that you've been to each other's apartments. spicy." he wriggles his eyebrows. it's repulsive. "anything to share?"

 

tzuyu snaps herself out of it. 

 

"yeah, we do." her voice is flat. back to business. "i moved there recently, and found out she was a neighbour. and she's been a fan of mine for a long time, i appreciate the comments." she smiles. polite, and for the camera. "we've met, and of course been to each other's apartments. we're neighbours. friends. sometimes she makes food for me. sometimes i help her catch bugs." 

 

she walks the thin line of ambiguity. technically, she'd told the truth; all of it. it came out way too naturally while she was trying to shut the interviewer down.

 

he scribbles in his notebook. tzuyu wants to reach over and break his pencil. keeps her smile in place. she eyes her manager sitting at the other corner of the room - who just so happens to be looking over at her. thank the gods. she moves to touch her left ear: a cry for help, a code they've developed to help her get out of uncomfortable interviews like this. 

 

"excuse me," her manager walks over. "we have to go soon, could you wrap it up?" 

 

the interviewer looks up. nods, at her manager looming over him. tzuyu is always grateful for his tall build. it intimidates people. they always joke about how he could double as her bodyguard, and in situations like this tzuyu knows it's true. she's thankful. 

 

her manager backs off, and watches from a few feet away, nearer than before. his presence is reassuring, and tzuyu's jaw is tight. deflects the rest of the interview as politely as she can. the interview ends shortly after, with the interviewer repeatedly glancing towards her manager - seemingly distracted. or, intimidated. tzuyu thinks he looks a bit smaller with every glance. 

 

they shake hands. she bows her goodbye, before watching him scurry away under her manager's death stare.  

 

"you okay?" he hands her a warm coffee. the one on the table was long forgotten. and cold. and might be contaminated with that vulture's spit. 

 

she nods. "yeah," then gulps down the coffee. it's hot. scalding, but comforting. keeps her mind sharp. tzuyu knows, knows that getting asked about her private life was a part of being in the industry, but it's sickening. to know that vultures like that overstep boundaries so easily. insinuating sexual innuendos.

 

"i'm never taking interviews from him. ever again," tzuyu mumbles. "remember his name, oppa. he asked me about nayeon, and if we were dating. if we'd been to each other's apartments. if it was spicy, and then wriggled his eyebrows. he practically asked me about my sex life in an interview. what the hell?"

 

"gross," he wrinkles his nose in disgust. "okay, i'll bring it up to management. get them to talk to the ceci staff, too." he pats her shoulder. ushers her into the van, with her favorite blanket. "don't worry about it." 

 

the ride back to her apartment is silent. tzuyu broods. wipes off her make-up. wonders if she had read too much into the situation. maybe he was just asking about her relationship status. maybe she was just oversensitive. but it felt really off, and gross. maybe she should just learn to get used to it. she's used to doing interviews, but this is the first time she's been asked such a personal question. and it's terrifyingly intrusive. 

 

maybe she wasn't cut out for this industry after all. 

 

the walk back to her apartment is mindless. the exhaustion is bone-deep. the only saving grace: the human-sized lump in her blankets that tzuyu's grown to look forward to. she yanks the blanket off, and chuckles softly at the vehement protests from the other girl.

 

"it's cold!" nayeon grumbles, rolling over to the other side of the bed. tzuyu settles for being the big spoon. pulls the blanket over them, and kisses nayeon's neck softly. the lavender she'd once tried so hard to scrub out of her life now soothes the exhaustion. slices through the shackles of her worries. tzuyu feels weightless. the layers slip away, one by one, and at the end of the day she's just chou tzuyu. an ordinary girl who seeks happiness, like everyone else. 

 

"bad day?" nayeon whispers, into the silence. tzuyu sighs. grunts in acknowledgement. it didn't take long for her to learn about nayeon's startling ability to read people. it's useful, she thinks, when dealing with people who can't express themselves properly. like her. 

 

there is a pause before nayeon turns around, and tzuyu finds herself drowning. again. in the depths of one im nayeon's eyes, that she can't seem to get enough of. or get used to. the moonlight makes her hazelnut eyes glitter with a thousand possibilities. a reflection of her spirit, maybe. it's beautiful. warm, comforting - quite like her mother, with the most beautiful eyes. she's reminded of home.

 

home.

 

the thing about living overseas: the homesickness hits the hardest, at the weirdest times, in the darkest of nights. tzuyu crumbles. again. chalks it up to being weak. the self-doubt and overthinking corrodes the stone walls she'd painstakingly built. there is something about the night that chips away at her walls. it's alluring. draws out her vulnerability, to bare it all.

 

but this time nayeon is there. listening, watching, waiting. kisses the tears away. strokes her hair, and nods encouragingly while she tells her story. her worries. tells her she's beautiful, inside out. tells her that it's okay, to break. sometimes. tells her that things take time. tells her that she can't give up, because she's so much better than this.

 

tells her that she loves her.

 

it's the first time any of them has ever said it. those three words, of finality. like sealing an envelope. stamping a confirmation. the room goes dead silent, and tzuyu hears her heartbeat pounding in her ears. nayeon is still looking at her like she's worth a million dollars, but really? in the middle of another embarrassing crying jag? 

 

no expectations, tzuyu reminds herself. sees it reflected in nayeon's eyes. did she even love the other girl? sure, she was happy. appreciative. thankful. but was that love? the self-loathe starts to claw its way up her throat, because what kind of a monster was she, if she didn't love the girl lying on the other side of her bed -

 

"stop." there is a hand on the hollow of her cheek, and tzuyu is snapped out of it. she blinks away the remaining tears. refocuses her vision on nayeon.

 

"don't think about it. i just wanted to let you know," the other girl continues. "you don't have to say it back, or whatever," her fingers curl under tzuyu's jaw. then smiles her trademark bunny-toothed smile, but there is a flash of uncertainty across her eyes that makes tzuyu's chest constrict a little. 

 

there is a girl, with really cute teeth, and a heart of gold in her bed. who loves her. who happens to be there for her. who waits patiently for her to get her shit together. who never forces her into anything.

 

who also, pieces her back together. delicately, and softly. fits the broken pieces back together effortlessly. fills the cracks in between with love and reassurance, and seals it with promises of the future traced into her skin. what more could she ask for?

 

tzuyu doesn't trust her voice. doesn't trust herself: her mouth, tongue, brain to articulate whatever she's thinking. not when she's still trying to swallow the sobs threatening to escape. not when her throat feels like closing up, with a huge lump of something she just can't get rid of. so she does what she thinks would get her message across best - leaning in and capturing the other girl's lips. 

 

actions speak louder than words, anyway. 

 

there's gratitude. warmth, comfort, that makes her insides tingle. nayeon tastes like strawberries, courtesy of the new lip balm she'd been raving about. tzuyu threads her fingers through nayeon's hair. pulls her a little closer. curls her toes when nayeon licks across her bottom lip. it's like kissing a star. hot, bright - tzuyu keeps her eyes closed because she knows, _knows_ the brightness would burn her eyes. sear into her something so pure, and rightfully good - that there is no other like her. 

 

her, whom tzuyu wouldn't mind as a permanent fixture in her life. her, who reminds tzuyu of her own self-worth. her, who knows the right buttons to press, to reduce her into a sweaty, boneless mass.

 

maybe, just maybe - this was love.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

"do you think i should get my teeth fixed?" nayeon muses, head snug in tzuyu's lap.

 

it's a lazy sunday. it's almost march, and it's still _cold_. they're still huddled underneath blankets, neither refusing to move. the tv makes for background noise - nayeon's reading through comments on her channel, and tzuyu is - well, watching nayeon. she's startled when nayeon sits up suddenly, brows pinched together in an expression tzuyu's come to read as borderline concerned. 

 

"what kind of a question is that?" she snatches the phone out of nayeon's hand. ignores the way the blanket slips down the other girl's shoulder. there are red welts peeking through - marks she'd probably left last night, stirring the residual heat in her abdomen. tzuyu swallows, before refocusing on the phone screen in front of her. 

 

_**chowderboy3091:** your teeth r really ugly. too big for your face _

_**jamesbonddop:** get braces, woman. _

in this industry, hate comments are considered a blessing. at least, that's what pr told her, when she'd first had an article written about her debut walk - and got a whole lot of unnecessary criticism. it means people are talking. you're in the spotlight. you have attention. popularity. tzuyu remembers how she'd felt reading them for the first time: people who called her boring, plastic: unjustified hate in general. and how she'd cried herself to sleep because they'd made her feel unworthy of the show. 

 

but hate comments about someone she holds dear to her heart? no way. her fingers work with her impulsiveness, and she finds herself blocking the two users. tries to ignore the way nayeon drapes herself over her lap just to try to get her phone back. then shuts the screen off.

 

"no," nayeon whines. "give it back!"

 

she's pouting, hands flailing in the air, legs kicking out in protest. a kid throwing a tantrum. tzuyu rolls her eyes. hands the phone back, because she's so fucking whipped. nayeon breaks into her toothy smile again, and tzuyu just doesn't understand why people hate on the other girl's teeth. it's beautiful. characteristic, and cute. a pity there aren't much intellectuals out there. 

 

"but really," nayeon continues. scrolling through more comments. "i've been thinking about it. getting braces. it's kinda ugly, you know, since they're too prominent."

 

"don't do it," tzuyu shakes her head. insecure nayeon is the worst, because it tugs at all her heartstrings and makes tzuyu want to sell her soul to the devil to protect her. it doesn't make sense, because tzuyu's the younger girl, and tzuyu feels like she should be the one being protected - but most things don't make sense. nayeon is a child. the protectiveness is uncalled for, but it's there nevertheless: tzuyu will fight whoever she has to.

 

"this is going to sound really cliche, but it makes you special," she makes sure to say it with conviction. "it's pretty. you're pretty. fuck the haters, really. mindless keyboard warriors, that's all they are. you're pretty just the way you are, so don't believe what they say, okay?" the words rush out of her mouth, because it's from the bottom of her heart. and tzuyu's kind of afraid she won't be able to change nayeon's mind.

 

nayeon smiles. her teeth catches the light. her nose crinkles, and it makes her look extra soft, together with the blankets and messy hair - it's compelling, so tzuyu doesn't bother fighting her instincts: she bends down, despite the awkward hovering, and pecks nayeon's teeth. briefly.

 

the other girl is surprised, a muffled _oomph_ coming from her lips. tzuyu's back to her original sitting position, enjoying the view of a flustered nayeon. then she laces her fingers through nayeon's, and brings them to her lips. whatever it takes. 

 

"don't," she repeats. her voice is barely a whisper. "i like your teeth." fights the heat that rushes to her cheeks. there is no time for embarrassment, when nayeon's teeth are at stake. desperate times call for desperate measures. 

 

it's enough, she thinks, when nayeon breaks into her trademark bunny-toothed grin. then nods. rubs circles into tzuyu's palm. it's calming.

 

"okay," she breathes. "okay." 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

management is such a pain in the ass. a well-known fact, but still annoying nevertheless. a part of it might have been self-inflicted (indirectly, of course, from the new manager who already left in shame), but jeongyeon thinks she might be losing her sanity. or whatever that remains.

 

she sighs. slouches a little more in the car seat, because her manager won't stop yapping away on his phone. ever since their little 'mix-up', management's been holding her reins extra tightly - monitoring her every move. they've been calling every hour, and it's driving her nuts.

 

"yes," her manager says. then repeats the same  _yes_ for the next five minutes, before he hangs up. throws his phone on his seat. it bounces off and ends up on the floor. 

 

"one mistake," he gripes. "one _fucking_ mistake, by a rookie, and they never leave you alone." exhales heavily, then turns to jeongyeon. "they said the new pr executive's gonna be tagging along for your next show. the prada one, tomorrow."

 

that gets jeongyeon's attention. "park jihyo?" 

 

"right, miss park," he nods. "as part of management's new and improve overseeing methods. what a load of bullshit." rolls his eyes. "i mean, sending an executive just to shadow us? how dumb." 

 

his phone chimes, and he moves to pick it up from the floor. jeongyeon's trying to comprehend the stupidity of the situation, when he curses. loudly. 

 

"great. i'm supposed to pick her up at twelve, tomorrow. what am i, her manager?" he sighs. "i'll pick you up first, before miss park. don't be late, we can't afford anymore mistakes." 

 

"soon, oppa." she pats his shoulder encouragingly. "i don't think they're dumb enough to spend that much resources on just one of their models. also, isn't park jihyo some kind of like, big shot? isn't she a little too important to send down just to spy on us?" 

 

"exactly," he nods. "we'll find out, i guess. unless they're planning to kick us out altogether."

 

jeongyeon bursts out laughing. "sure, like that's ever gonna happen." he snorts, then erupts into laughter. it's not like she's being boastful, but realistically speaking, it wasn't going to happen anytime soon - the company valued her, that she knew. she was one of the few models out there who pulled off the androgynous concept really well, and it was _unique_. everyone values originality.  

 

"get some rest," he says. "we have a long day." jeongyeon watches him fight back a yawn, before going back to his phone, checking for updates.  

 

it's been five years since she's been working with him - and she knows this industry has really taken a toll on the both of them. jeongyeon's watched the wrinkles appear on his forehead, a part of his hair turn grey, but he'll never admit being old. he puts his all into this job, and she feels sorry for being the indirect cause of all his added stress. 

 

this new and improved 'overseeing' thing has got to stop. and there was only one way she knew how. maybe.

 

she had to talk to park jihyo. ugh. gross. despite the neutrality, it wouldn't be something to look forward to. but things had to be done, and she had a shot. 

 

figures.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

there is a loud crash, from the kitchen. then a squeal that tzuyu's heard one too many times, but that doesn't stop her from jumping off the couch to inspect the commotion. gucci's just one step faster than her. barks at the noise. since nayeon's unofficial residence, the apartment has gotten... livelier (noisier, messier).

 

nayeon's standing at the sink, inspecting her finger. the kitchen floor looks like it snowed. there are shards of white porcelain everywhere, and tzuyu sighs. maybe she should invest in plastic cups. 

 

"don't move," she says. shoos gucci out of the way, then moves to get the broom. but then eyes nayeon sucking on her index finger, and - wait. 

 

"you're hurt?" tzuyu asks. incredulous. nayeon is her usual wide-eyed self, cradling her injured finger as she nods meekly. this is the third cup the other girl has broken, in a week. it's got to be something. maybe she'll look it up in the guinness world records later. 

 

then she grins. a whole shit-eating grin, and laughs. "so you do care about me."

 

tzuyu wants to strangle her. it's nothing new. just five minutes ago, nayeon had been annoying the living daylights out of her - doing some aegyo thing that was apparently 'all the rage' these days. sure, maybe it was cute the first two times, but doing it for five minutes straight? tzuyu was not having it. so she ignored nayeon. went back to scrolling through instagram, and a pouty nayeon left for the kitchen.

 

and now, she's hurt. by a cup. tzuyu sighs. loudly. 

 

"sorry," nayeon wipes away the blood oozing out. looks down on the floor. tzuyu doesn't know where her own anger is coming from. all she knows is that it's clogging her mind. it's irrational at best, because it's definitely not because of the cups. she cleans up the mess. grips the broom a little tighter than usual, careful to work around the stupid klutz living in her apartment who just can't seem to take care of herself. 

 

"are you angry?" nayeon gulps. glances briefly at tzuyu, before looking away. starts to chew on her nails. "i'll buy you new cups," she says through nibbles. wriggles her toes around in a bid to stay calm. the kitchen is silent save for the sweeping sound of her broom, and tzuyu's heaving breathing. 

 

cups? she thinks this is about the cups? dear god. tzuyu sighs, again. bites her tongue because she doesn't want to say anything in her anger clouded haze. this isn't the time to be impulsive. the words never come out right when she's angry, and this isn't something she's willing to risk. this, being her stupid girl still standing in front of her. the air thickens.

 

she grabs the first-aid kit. drags nayeon to the living room by the wrist, and makes her sit on the couch. it's a small cut; nothing serious, but nayeon still whines like a baby and makes want to tzuyu prod the wound a little harder than necessary, when she cleans it.

 

it's still silent. tzuyu packs up the kit. tries her best to make sense of her emotions. her thoughts, scattered all over in her mind. it's a mess. an orchestra without a conductor, with all the instruments fighting for the main melody line. too much going on, and no one yields. she just wants to shut it off.

 

"tzuyu?" nayeon's hand is on her cheek. she blinks. it's like chuseok all over again. she can never escape. tzuyu thinks nayeon shouldn't be touching her, or anyone at all. it's demonic. bewitching. like a sedative. coaxes out her deepest darkest secrets, and thoughts. it's dangerous. she wills it anyway. 

 

"it's not about the cup," she starts. pries nayeon's hand away from her cheek, and intertwines their fingers. "i don't give a shit about the cups. they don't mean anything." takes a deep breath, when she sees nayeon's eyes full with unspoken apologies.

 

"but you do."

 

tzuyu hates her mouth. it's terribly corny. it sounded so much better in her head. nayeon stares at her, message sinking in - before her lips purse, and she laughs. boisterously. with all her teeth showing. then tries her best to stifle whatever laughter remains, when tzuyu gives her the death stare. which wasn't really effective, given how red her face was. 

 

"oh my god," she laughs. it cuts through the tension. they're back to square one. "you're adorable." plants herself in tzuyu's lap, and suddenly tzuyu finds herself holding her breath. nayeon is so, so close, noses almost touching, and tzuyu feels the familiar weightlessness settle over her - it's like she's falling, again - the anger dissipates. she has once again, been turned into jelly. 

 

nayeon moves to kiss the corner of her mouth. then her ear, her neck, and every inch of skin exposed. tzuyu tries not to squirm.

 

"i know," she says, between kisses. "i'm sorry, i'll be more careful from now on. promise." 

 

tzuyu pushes nayeon's head away from her. fixes the older girl with a look, before sticking out her little finger. "promise?"

 

"promise." they hook pinkies. nayeon doesn't let go, and uses it to pull tzuyu in. she'd long surrendered to the siren calls from the older girl. they tumble back into the couch. with nayeon lying underneath her, laughing - tzuyu thinks this might be a dream come true.

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

"chou tzuyu!" 

 

her name echoes throughout the silent hall. over the music playing, and the shutter sound of the cameras. it takes all of tzuyu's professionalism to keep a straight face as she walks down the runway. focuses on each step, lest she fall. there is no room for any more embarrassment. this wasn't what she'd expected when jeongyeon told her about a 'surprise guest'. she'd honestly thought the blonde girl was referring to a guest model. or some event, for the designer. it's her first ever prada show today, and tzuyu hopes to god it won't be her last - because of the loud disturbance in the form of im nayeon.

 

she's sitting at the front row, right beside the new pr executive park jihyo, who's wearing the most judgmental face ever - not that she's seen it before. it's telling. it's on behalf of everyone in the audience, and tzuyu wants to disappear into thin air. she has an image to uphold, for fuck's sake. it's a fashion show, with journalists and photographers, and many, many important people in the industry. 

 

jeongyeon's walking past her, towards the backstage and tzuyu channels all her concentration into her own walk. tries to swing her hands a little less, angles her chin downwards, anything to stop her from looking at the blonde girl. she doesn't even need to look at jeongyeon to know that the other girl's already dying laughing. inside. it's all about the professionalism.

 

her peripheral vision shows nayeon: the usual wide-eyed, clueless girl falling silent at park jihyo's hushed whispers. the embarrassment gives way to something ridiculous, because nayeon's such a dumbass. it's endearing, knowing she'd went through the trouble of getting an invite just to support her. mostly she just wants to laugh now. tzuyu keeps it together as she finishes her round, and at the last second - right after she walks past the last camera on the way back to the backstage - she spares nayeon a glance. 

 

it's less than a second, but nayeon's face lights up like a kid in a candy store. it's enough for tzuyu to lose a marble or two - she almost trips on her own feet, but steadies herself; tears her eyes away from the smile that's become her favourite. 

 

"way to go, yoda," jeongyeon slaps her shoulder once she'd stepped into the room. laughs obnoxiously. clutches her belly. tzuyu rolls her eyes. it's a short show, and they're already done for the day - she kicks off her heels and drops into the make-up chair. 

 

"unnie, you gave her an invite?" she asks. then rolls her eyes again when jeongyeon nods, and continues laughing. but eventually cracks a smile because jeongyeon's laughter is too infectious. the whole thing was way too ridiculous. 

 

"oh my god," jeongyeon wheezes. "nayeon is such a dumbass. i still don't get what you see in her," she snorts. 

 

it's the truth, tzuyu thinks. there isn't the weird look in the older girl's eyes today. no more emotional baggage. maybe they're just old, old friends who support each other, and when nayeon had asked for an invite, jeongyeon had only agreed because she knew something like this would happen. this, being a flustered tzuyu on the runway. 

 

"yeah, me too." she says. snorts. then holds jeongyeon's gaze, unblinking. it's her serious face, and she sees how jeongyeon bites the bait. doesn't look away.

 

"you've dated her, right?" she asks. to the point. a bullet aimed straight for her. catches jeongyeon off-guard. watches as the other girl wrestles with her internal panic. it isn't ill-intentioned. nayeon'd mentioned it in passing once or twice, mostly when drunk - tzuyu never gave it much thought because well, the past is the past, and there was no point living in it. jeongyeon is an open-mouthed mess, and tzuyu swears to god she'll remember this forever. 

 

"you look like a flounder, unnie." tzuyu cackles, because it's payback. jeongyeon finally closes her mouth, but the confusion is still there. she catches on really slowly. people don't change. 

 

"i'm not angry or anything," she continues. ninety percent serious, ten percent teasing. "nayeon told me about you, while she was drunk. i don't think she'd wanted me to find out, but i did anyway, and i'm not mad at you for keeping it a secret. it's the past, and i'd rather not care about it." 

 

"really?" jeongyeon asks, disbelieving. then crushes tzuyu in a hug that squeezes the breath out of her. "just messing with you, unnie."

 

someone laughs, and it's all joyful again. nayeon without jeongyeon wouldn't be the nayeon she'd met, and things wouldn't have been the same. the butterfly effect, or whatever, that chaeyoung used to preach about when she'd got into one of her philosophical moods. 

 

besides, she could never get mad at jeongyeon. 

 

there is a knock that tzuyu doesn't hear because of her own laughter ringing in her ears.

 

"uh, i'll see you later?" the blonde girl pulls away. smiles sheepishly, and points at the door. it's miss park jihyo, with all her regal authority. tzuyu's bow is immediate. then gives jeongyeon one last look, before hurrying out the door. 

 

since when did the higher ups start coming down to events?

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

tzuyu thinks she must be high. either that, or she's really losing her shit, because she hasn't slept properly for three days. there's finally a lull in her schedule, one that she had to thank her manager for - another three days without anything? suspicious, but hey, she's not complaining.  

 

the lights are on, in her apartment. someone's in the kitchen. which, she last remembered being empty, when she'd left for the prada show. what kind of thief breaks in just to use the kitchen? 

 

"there's someone," tzuyu says. pushes nayeon behind her. there was no time to call security - it was now or never. kill or be killed. it always pays to be paranoid. she walks on her tippy toes to the kitchen, not registering the fact that nayeon wasn't following.

 

it's a woman. cooking. her silhouette is painfully familiar. gucci is at her heel. tzuyu reminds herself not to have expectations. without expectations, there would be no hurt. a wasteful emotion, that she could do without. but when the woman turns around, tzuyu feels the tears well up in her eyes. 

 

"mummy."

 

this isn't a reunion. it's her dream, her want, her wish come true. all the nights when she longed to go home, to see her mother, and cried herself to sleep - it's reality. rock solid, realness. tangible. never in a million years would she have expected this. finally. gucci barks, running around them excitedly. he knows, too. 

 

there is nothing like a mother's embrace. it is everything the child desires, a constant presence guiding, comforting, teaching. the transparency of it all brings nayeon to tears, tzuyu realises later, when she'd finished yet another embarrassing crying jag. this has got to stop. 

 

they eat. her mother tries to talk to nayeon in korean. tzuyu ends up translating. it's light. they talk as if she's never left taiwan. her mother tells her about business, family - how her brother and father couldn't come along. she understands: it was a rather last minute trip.

 

"is she your girlfriend?" her mother asks in mandarin. spoons some meat into her bowl. thank god they're talking in mandarin.

 

"no, mummy. we're just friends." she smiles. glances briefly towards nayeon, who's shoveling food into her mouth. in a very unladylike manner. her typical self. she fights the urge to kick nayeon underneath the table.

 

"really?" her mother raises her eyebrow. " 'just friends' don't go behind each other's backs to plan elaborate surprises. like this one." 

 

tzuyu chokes. nayeon is out of her seat in an instant, and returns shortly with a glass of water, while her mother thumps her back with a little too much force.

 

" 'just friends' don't do that, either."

 

the table is silent. tzuyu turns to nayeon, after clearing her throat.

 

"you... called my mum? to visit?" she switches to korean. watches nayeon nod, mouth full. then listens to the older girl tell her story of how she'd stolen tzuyu's mother's number from snooping around her phone, and how she'd managed to get tzuyu some free time as well (that explains the three day break). how she'd asked one of her mandarin speaking friends to help translate.

 

"tell her she's pretty," her mother interrupts. "and that i like her." tzuyu looks at her mother in disbelief. she'd forgotten how much of a snake her mother was. 

 

nayeon's looking up, curious. waiting for the translation. 

 

"you're pretty." tzuyu says. remembers to say it in korean. "she likes you." the bilingual thing is making her a little confused, especially with the pressure from her mother. but she means it. then watches how nayeon flushes at the compliment. smiles wide and brilliant, and expresses her gratitude meekly.

 

tzuyu does her best to ignore the teasing lilt in her mother's voice for the rest of the night. 

 

 

 

 

/

 

 

 

"bye, mummy."

 

she kisses her mother's cheek, before watching her walk out the door. nayeon waves politely, with promises to meet the next day - her mother has, very kindly, invited nayeon along for their trip to the spa. tzuyu thinks she's just doing it to get a rise out of herself. not like a spa trip was going to make her get a girlfriend all of a sudden. 

 

"when did you start planning all this?" tzuyu shuts the door. she'd known nayeon was sneaky, and always got her way - but this was an entire level altogether. 

 

"two weeks ago," nayeon puffs out her chest. "pretty solid, huh. you were so lonely during chuseok so i'd thought i'd try my luck." then pokes tzuyu's cheek when tzuyu shakes her head in exasperation. "come on, there's still some wine left. it's time to party!" she runs to the living room excitedly. grabs the half-empty bottle of wine, and takes a long swig. 

 

happiness is vague. subjective. it used to be ice cream on a hot day. hot chocolate in winter. reaching the highest point of the swing, with her mother pushing her. being scouted. her first successful show, interview, first paycheck. it is a lot of things.

 

but now, tzuyu thinks, it's the girl in her living room. swaying her hips like an old lady, to a song only she hears. whose arm is outstretched towards her, and looking at her like she's perfection embodied in her own flesh. with her bunny-toothed smile, offering her the world. 

 

she's happy, that's for sure. there's no question. looking at nayeon dancing in the living room - this is yet another moment tzuyu wants imprinted behind her eyelids. it's something she wants to keep. right by her side, forever. it's something she realises she never wants to do without. can't do without. 

 

nayeon's hand is cold. a stark contrast to the warmth tzuyu knows she's capable of. she's always had bad circulation. tzuyu blows at their intertwined hands. then pulls the bottle out of her other hand, before kissing her.

 

there's nothing rushed. they kiss like they have all the time in the world. slow, soft, and gentle. the surrounding fades, until tzuyu knows nothing other than nayeon's lips, teeth, and the way she tastes like wine. knows nothing, other than the way nayeon's thumb brushes over her nape. knows nothing, other than nayeon.

 

"i know i haven't said it," she gasps, pulling away. holds nayeon's head still, because the older girl keeps chasing after her lips. then pulls nayeon's hand from underneath her shirt where it was dangerously close to the button of her jeans. it's distracting, but tzuyu knows she has to get the words out of her mouth before she loses her courage. 

 

"i love you." she whispers, against nayeon's lips. then watches as the older girl's eyes flutter open. there is a whole swirl of emotions in there that tzuyu is met with, but she waits. waits, as she watches it settle into something she's familiar with. something she's used to seeing in nayeon's eyes. something she thinks might be love. but this time, the sheer intensity of it all knocks the breath out of tzuyu, when nayeon's face explodes into this galaxy of stars she thinks she'll never get used to.

 

because this girl single-handedly turned her dreams into reality. what more could she ask for, she thinks, as nayeon pushes her into the couch and kisses her again. it's messier this time, because tzuyu tastes the emotions seeping out of the other girl. bliss. happiness. more than diamonds, more than gold, more than anything in the world. no more hesitation. an underlying sureness, turned primal, and so, so much love it's smothering. 

 

urgent. there is a thigh between her legs. nayeon kisses with reckless abandon. bites and scratches her way all over, and tzuyu loses herself in it all. digs her nails into the older girl's shoulders when she feels familiar fingers trail their way to the crotch of her jeans. 

 

there is no one else whom she trusts more, to push her off the cliff. because deep down, she knows. knows, and bets her life, that nayeon will be there to catch her. fix her. put the pieces back together.

 

and that's enough. 


End file.
